Porn is love you can see.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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