i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
