He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
