I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
