Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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