so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
