I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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