so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
