forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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