I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize