mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i think i just lost a toe
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
