Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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