im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
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