Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
