i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
