Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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