hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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