I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
