I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
