Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
