and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
