i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
