screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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