and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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