Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
