i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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