I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
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