how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
