do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
