You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
