Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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