oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
