Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
