Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
