who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
