did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
