In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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