no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
