you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
