I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
