We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
