those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
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i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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