apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
