is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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