You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
