went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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