doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
