ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
