I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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