i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
