I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
