it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
