Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
