I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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