Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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