Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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