If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
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He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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