god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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