Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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