so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
