I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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