She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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