Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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