who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
