Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just saw a hot homeless man
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
