every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
